I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I deserve this hangover.
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