I could make wine with my vomit
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
