we have pet lesbian snakes
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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