some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
