Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
