I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
