I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
