WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize