Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I yelled at your uterus for you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
