u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
