im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
