Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
