I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
