By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
