the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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