Are we in a gay sports bar?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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