WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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