Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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