You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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