Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
ttyl tear gas
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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