i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
