I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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