I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
two words: eviction party
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
