I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Terrible idea I love it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
