im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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