He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
