From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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