im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize