Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
