At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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