Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
