just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
