I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I deserve this hangover.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
