your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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