Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
