You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
