If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
