I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize