I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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