walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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