well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
