Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
