Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
