Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
