we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
