Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
