boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
