I need help removing her.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
