its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
