I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
