You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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