then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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