Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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