omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
