I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
