Where is the hickey?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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