just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
