My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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