just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
