She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
