I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
