That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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