There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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