My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
