I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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