I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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